The Ghosts of the Past
Yesterday could have been difficult. Mouse has worked hard in this new place building a new life being the person Mouse always wanted to be. Those who know Mouse’s past, are those who have been told, after they have gotten to know Mouse, and so yesterday was much of the same in that, people who Mouse knows were moved up a level of friendship by being introduced to Mouse’s history.
However, apart from being friends of the Mouse, a friendship Mouse is particularly fond of despite its very recent inception, they are people who foster highly at risk children, and very much part of the world of abuse and violence. Indeed, they care for the children of people like who the Mouse is supposed to be. Over the summer, they invited Mouse to help at a kid club they run, for everyone. Mouse loved this experience, rewarding and engaging, and something way outside Mouse’s comfort zone. The week passed and great fun had by all, Mouse acquired a friend of one of the girls in their care. Troubled, for sure, bright and endearing, certainly. Knowing her past, her spontaneous connection with the Mouse, was all the more surprising and perhaps remarkable. Mouse was then, of course, poorly, and in that time the Mouse became troubled, not because anything is wrong, instead troubled by the prospect of the past. Mouse does not like “what if”, “what if” is, for the most part, a futile attempt to predict and know what cannot be known, often about circumstances highly unlikely to happen. In this case, perhaps unlikely but not impossible.
What the Mouse knows is female abuser’s hold the trump cards, and his abuser has played her hand with skill, her word became truth, her story became her ticket to success. Mouse, of course, ran and hid, that is what a Mouse does. Mouse hoped that lack of evidence, lack of concurrent behaviour, lack of anything would be enough. Mouse was only half right, the Police walked away after 4 months of investigation, Mouse faced 7+ years in prison had one thing been true and he knows how deep they went. Social Services and the Family Court did not care, her words won that day and the official version became gospel, Mouse lives in that shadow.
However, that was then, it was past, but now its current, Mouse is writing it here, and last night it had to be told. It could have been awful, hellish; it wasn’t. Instead, they knew without the detail, they knew that despite the appearance of the Mouse, abuse was entirely possible because they had seen it in their professional lives. What they did was all that Mouse ever asks, they judged who they met, not a story about the Mouse, but the Mouse that sat before them.
And so, despite, what Mouse has learned, is an all too common a situation, Mouse gained optimism. Their words encouraged and lifted. Their assessments, honest as they were accurate were a balm to a worried soul. The Mouse left, yes sad, because the situation cannot be changed except by the passage of time, but also, because, Mouse’s new world and new life are exactly what Mouse wanted them to be. People really do see the real Mouse. So, Mouse is optimistic that future will continue to better than the past.