Meek and mild, not words that described me as a child,
Frustrated, angry, uncontrolled and wild, I was a problem,
I wasn’t troubled, I was bad, I was mad, I needed to be fixed,
What I did was wrong, who I was, he was much much worse,
Politeness, hard work, perseverance were a thin veneer,
The truth so very clear, I was broken, far worse than I appear.
School was not a happy place, but I learned to despise my face,
I learned how I was broken, lazy, stupid, last in every race,
I tried hard to disappear, I failed at that too.
I had my fists, so I was never bullied by the children too,
One day, I actually passed, of course, that wasn’t good enough,
I had no value, that much I learned was true.
The best years already done, into the world, I was flung,
Awkward and unprepared, I didn’t hit rock bottom, I was already there,
I made friends at least, Jack Daniels was the first, white powders not the last,
Jobs came and went, I should have loved but I just lost,
No matter how hard I pressed, self-destruction only left me depressed,
I was broken see, nothing worth saving, no way to be fixed.
But, there I sat, someone dared to care, someone dared to believe,
What on earth they were thinking, broken, absolutely nothing,
I heard it every day, I knew it to be true, I had no value,
No contribution could I make, except sorrow and heartache,
They said something different, sitting bridging self-imposed exile,
Taking my story, they slowly exposed the failures as lies.
They had been told they were broken too; I was not the only one,
They had heard they were bad, mad, and beyond even God’s repair,
Downcast and bleak, I had nothing left but to believe,
Not empty words, promises, something pie in the sky,
Not some therapy of fancy words, long sentences and diagnosis,
Just the simplicity that looked right through the whisky armour of my life.
That was day one, day zero, long ago in time not memory,
Precious time, something changed in me,
It wasn’t who I was, I was what I believed to be true,
I was never bad, made broken, and didn’t need fixing too,
Enough lies had made me believe what was never true,
Some days, I wonder, am I broken? No, of course, nothing new!