Dear Diary: A little scared 25th May 17

You don’t tell people you are scared

A follow-up test is a good thing. It is just an EEG.

Actually its a 3 Day EEG, I have to go into Hospital, be observed and filmed. It means my 20 minute EEG wasn’t routine.

The unit is full. The original request was downgraded to 20minutes because not even a lead consultant can break that procedure rule and to that test immediately.

A 3 day EEG is not just another test. It means my brain did not work right.

It means the problems I am having might not fix, it means the answers stopped being answers and became questions.

It meant I couldn’t file that job application and money will stay tight and difficult.

It means I really don’t know if another attack is coming or not and all the confidence I was getting could be built on shifting sand.

It means those twinges, feelings, drunken slurs and memory losses might never go, the motor skill errors could be the new me.

I could always be this easily upset and cry, I could always not understand and be emotionally fragile, I could have lost who I was forever.

Sounds might always hurt.

 

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