Dear Diary: New Year’s Disillusion​

Last year I wrote at New Year about the new landscape, the knowledge of not knowing if my last breath was indeed my last and the debacle of the pulmonary embolism that wasn't. I read there a tone of optimism, a forward-looking idealism and upbeat tenor that has become somewhat inappropriate. The season, like the… Continue reading Dear Diary: New Year’s Disillusion​

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Dear Diary: Questions and Fears

Anxiety is crippling; not all the time, but at its very worst, it paralyses me completely. My mind fills with nothing but questions and big what if? dilemmas. The fears, are both rational and irrational, having had a paralysing hemiplegic migraine just 10 days ago I know that is always a possibility in everything I… Continue reading Dear Diary: Questions and Fears

Monday Night Reflection – Success and Failure

I planned to take a week off after competing and it ended up being a very good idea. The competition when exceptionally well and I secured my qualification for the British Finals as I set out to do, came back healthy and am now on course to go from the British Finals to the World… Continue reading Monday Night Reflection – Success and Failure

Dear Diary: 20th February 2017

Don't stroke the Mouse! Mouse was rushed into hospital last Tuesday with a suspected stroke. Nearly a week later all we can say for definite is that Thursday night his brain showed no sign of damage. 20 stroke like episodes later Mouse can barely move his left side or speak. His NHS experience is far… Continue reading Dear Diary: 20th February 2017

Thinking Out Loud: Monsters

The world of films is a misleading one, TV is not much better, even in true stories, we the audience are presented so much with a simple view. It is all neatly black and white, even when it is being presented as blur, we are in on the secret and the monster of the story… Continue reading Thinking Out Loud: Monsters

Monday Night Reflection: Best Laid Plans

It is over halfway through February and I am still in the first week of January and I don’t just mean in terms of mental preparation. Anonymouse blogging isn’t always easy, I have given a massive hint in my reflections to who I am, however, anonymity is really about plausible denial rather than complete obscurity,… Continue reading Monday Night Reflection: Best Laid Plans

Thinking Out Loud : Swimming Gala

It is not that often I like to go back to my childhood and specific incidents within it. I feel that they are done with and that now I have largely accepted what was faulty with it and done my best to move on and be practical in dealing with the here and now. I… Continue reading Thinking Out Loud : Swimming Gala

Monday Night Reflection: Blog On

Every-so-often, I do look back at this Blog, read my squeeks and contemplate how things have changed. As the New Year approached I started to think about the future because material has been gradually accumulating, I even downloaded and printed out a blog planner, and started a blog ideas notebook just to help me on… Continue reading Monday Night Reflection: Blog On

Monday Night Reflection: Prison of My Mind Revisited

I remembered this last week thanks to a Facebook posting by hypnotist Elliot Wald, and reading my initial thoughts I felt that the subject needed another thought. Initially, I felt that the prison of my mind had developed almost exclusively as a defensive response to real situations. Over time I have seen that there is… Continue reading Monday Night Reflection: Prison of My Mind Revisited

Poetry Corner: Me

I’m lost in darkness I’m walking tall I’m talking fast I’m saying nothing at all My smile is real My smile is fake My concern is real My indifference is fake My pain too much My relief too fleeting My goal is distant My dream too precious I’m making sense I’m blank I’m riding the… Continue reading Poetry Corner: Me