Dear Diary: The Night Is Dark And Full of Terrors

My attacks happen in my sleep.

I wake up, sometimes I am ok.

Sometimes I am not.

Sometimes I am paralysed

Sometimes a little.

Sometimes a lot.

Sometimes I can speak.

Sometimes I slur.

Sometimes I make no sense.

One time it didn’t hurt.

But I woke up.

And sound strummed agony for chords

I tried to smile but that didn’t work

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Dear Diary: 20th February 2017

Don’t stroke the Mouse!

Mouse was rushed into hospital last Tuesday with a suspected stroke.

Nearly a week later all we can say for definite is that Thursday night his brain showed no sign of damage.

20 stroke like episodes later Mouse can barely move his left side or speak.

His NHS experience is far from positive but with every reason to be down my brave Mouse is still upbeat and planning new projects for when he finally comes home.

Mrs Mouse

Poetry Corner: The Captain and Jack

Poetry Corner: The Captain and Jack

The Captain and Jack are gone

Cheaper, rougher whores are what it takes

The mixer shrinks and the ice it melts

The fog no longer dims the lights

 

The empty bottles of my dynasty,

Recycled like my stories of glory days

The bitter taste of regret

Diluted with bourbon or rum till I forget

 

My hand it shakes, my gait unsteady

No longer call it pain, useless cliché

Existence once called life

Time and tide fading away

 

Another day, and breath I steal

Each one I take I cannot return

No redemption for wages earned

Sleep no friend or welcome rest

 

 

Poetry Corner: Hurt

Its all too much today, the hurt, saying it’s okay

Take it away, take it away

I am tired, and I don’t know what to say

Take it away, take it away

Tired of pretending, it’s not okay

Take it away, take it away

Words, thoughts, nothing to say

Take it away, take it away

It is my all, everything, every day

Take it away, take it away

I don’t care how, please do it today

Take it away, just take it away.

Dear Diary 17th Feb 2017

I am hurting lots, more than usual. I would make a joke about a bus or train hitting me but not now. This isn’t funny today, my eyes sting because I want to sleep again, I am exhausted from the pain and the physiotherapy this morning.

I tell myself all this is worth it to be better and be healthy but times like this I am not convinced at all.

Just want to feel healthy again, I can hurt fine when I feel healthy.

Poetry Corner: Sore

I don’t remember before I was sore

A time when I didn’t hurt even just a little

It was only 15 years, so long ago

Genetic they say, nothing to do

You leave the doctor’s office, abyss

They give you medication, foggy blur

It is great for a while, then it hurts more

No one sees you, no one checks

Boxes ticked the numbers work

You don’t, you try, you fail, you lose

Spontaneity leaves takes happiness away

Planning and management slowly kill you

Strangle you, choke away the will to breathe

Little things they rock you to your core,

You cry, you cry some more, this is normal now

Adjustments are made, you forget what changed

Till you see what life really is and tears fall

Rain, Rain and Pain this is evermore