Sometimes you forget
Sometimes you believe
Sometimes you don’t pretend
You are not who you are
Not make believe or fantasy
You believe the empty words
The things they say because they should
Because they should be kind
They are the encouraging sort
Some days I forget they expect me to fail
Some days I believe their belief is real
Some days I am not pretending, it’s not an act
But then I see what is real
And I carry on, no big deal
No greeting required, no words necessary
Oldest of friends the bitterest of foes
The score in scars for eternity kept
Ebb and flow of battles won, casualties only one
Silent darkness of plain sight, day into night
Peaceful waging our deathly war
Not my pet, nor walking companion
A Ronin silent into my consciousness flows
Once more we come to blows
Perhaps we can earn our rest as old men
Sit together with pawns and knights
Where once we had our mortal fight
That is not today, not for now
Hide our hurts and conceal our pain
Eyes of blood, we meet again
Don’t write for redemption,
Don’t write for regret
Don’t write for the bitterness
Or tears you haven’t wept
Don’t write for emotion
Don’t write for applause
Don’t write for adulation
That you haven’t had yet
Maybe write for mediation
Maybe write for contemplation
Maybe write for the therapist
Imprisoned in your head
Write elegantly the words
Write triumphantly to proclaim
Write for the abyss
That extinguished your flame
The Captain and Jack are gone
Cheaper, rougher whores are what it takes
The mixer shrinks and the ice it melts
The fog no longer dims the lights
The empty bottles of my dynasty,
Recycled like my stories of glory days
The bitter taste of regret
Diluted with bourbon or rum till I forget
My hand it shakes, my gait unsteady
No longer call it pain, useless cliché
Existence once called life
Time and tide fading away
Another day, and breath I steal
Each one I take I cannot return
No redemption for wages earned
Sleep no friend or welcome rest
Its all too much today, the hurt, saying it’s okay
Take it away, take it away
I am tired, and I don’t know what to say
Take it away, take it away
Tired of pretending, it’s not okay
Take it away, take it away
Words, thoughts, nothing to say
Take it away, take it away
It is my all, everything, every day
Take it away, take it away
I don’t care how, please do it today
Take it away, just take it away.
Plans are ruined, the day is spoiled
My work, labour and ceaseless toil
For this one day, to live, breathe outside
Promises as if snatched from a child
Tapping like torture on the glass
Looking, hoping praying you’ll pass
Relentless, ceaseless soggy legacy
A week I’ll wait, wait to see
So it rains, today, no great unknown
Could have been great, not inside alone
Adventure or solace, spirit set free
Imprisoned left to rot, just me
My thoughts are not racing,
But I talk so fast I struggle to keep up
There is no turmoil
But I am lost and confused
A maelstrom of word and picture
But clear and peaceful too
My windmill spinning without the wind
But I am still grinding,
My kart still racing down the hill
But I am on level ground
My river still roaring by
But I stand on desert sand
I think of sleep, it comes quite easily
But never lasts,
Short burst are all it ever seems to be
But morning so quickly comes
No rest in calm harbour
But the restless sea
I try to cheat and make it last
It works sometimes and frightens me
I am one with the certainty
It will be as it always was
Now I rest in stuttering tone
And paint my art in tired brush
